爱是什么？

好久没有打华语字了。感觉感觉有点怪怪的，可能太久没用华语了吧。。。最近，我身边发生了很多不开心的事。老实说我还为了某些不快乐的事情哭呢。虽然很丢脸，但我也没有必要应为它而觉得丢脸嘛。我感情就是比别人丰富，怎样？哈哈。。现在感觉有点累，不是身体累而是华语太难了吧！

爱是什么？老实说我也不知道这个答案。但，我很希望我能在这里得到这个很多人也不知道的答案。。你能帮我吗？我身边的朋友都为了这个没人知道是什么的爱感到伤心和难过。。有必要吗？爱真的能让一个人活得这么痛苦吗？在爱情里真的不能没有真心的信任吗？我不知道，因为我倒楣到不曾体会到爱的滋味。我很希望我能等到哪一天，也跟希望我身边的朋友能因为爱而幸福。一旦遇到不开心的事就应该把它忘了。没有必要把它劳劳记住。为什么要把自己逼到无路可逃了呢？一个跟重要的是，遇到一个会让你伤心的人时，有好几个选择，一，离它远远（运用它是以为她或他猪狗不如）。二，直接告诉它你被它伤了心.三，把它扔掉！（当它跟你有任何关系时）四，打死它！

哈哈，讲了这么久，还没到重点。你不累呀？人说爱是能给我们幸福的。要如何的爱才能给我们幸福呢？每个人都会有不同的答案，我很希望有人能留下感言，告诉我你们是怎么想的。

我呢，我的幸福是能给我的另一半她想要的幸福，永远的陪在她身边，根希望能然她永远的开心，一旦她遇到不开心的事时，能在她背后轻轻的给她一个拥抱。还有很多是不能用话去说的，是要用真心去表示的。。。

One of my favorite sad song.. Lets sing along...
Hope you guys like it..

Rascal Flats - What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don't bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while

Even though goin' on with ya gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend

I'm okay but that's not what gets me

What hurts the most was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowin' what could've been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go

But I'm doin' it

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends

And I'm alone

Still harder getting up getting dressed dealin' with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade, give away all the words that I saved

In my heart that I left unspoken

What hurts the most is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowin' what could've been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin' to do,oh..

What hurts the most was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowin' what could've been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin' to do

That's what I was tryin' to do

Oh~~

Old~

Tonight, i went to help my coach train juniors again. Actually, i seem like helping but the real thing is i went there to play around and meet friends. XD Today, something special happened. Instead of training my juniors, i was trained by my coach instead...

We did "double agility", its something simple where the pair of partner will need to run to return the shuttle. Coach will be feeding the shuttle and the shuttle will be infinite until the pair give up. When i say give up it means "Pam Chet". When the drill start, the shuttle will fly around the court and this test the teamwork, stamina, muscle endurance and also the will to go on. It seems easy but if u go for it u will know...

I remember last time when i was fitter we were able to do around 15 to 30 mins without stopping unless the people collecting the shuttle is too slow. Means shuttle finish then got time to rest until the shuttle are reloaded again. Normally the resting time is few seconds only. Tonight, i thought is gonna be easy for us because we are seniors so the coach will go easy on us. Who knows? Instead of going easy on us, coach trained us like last time. The speed and the accuracy of the shuttle given are way harder than those given to the juniors.

We didn’t last long during the first drill. Around 5 mins and we are done... My legs were unable to move. They (my legs) were too tired, no more endurance. Then i finally realized that i become old already. Not as fit as few years ago and my leg muscle dont have the power already. After resting for awhile, we decided to give it another try. When i say we, it means me and my partner. The reason we gave another try is not because me are hardworking. But we just want to save our face back as SENIORS...

This time i will "pia" until i really out of breath or my leg completely can’t move. We go on and on for around 7 to 10 mins. Then KO. Knock Out! I lay on the floor just outside the court where i missed the last shuttle and my partner Lai also half dead in the court. Well, at least we tried our best. It really is tiring. I bet tonight i will have a really good night sleep. Just now when i reached home, i walk upstairs also can feel the tension on my legs. Seems tonight's training is worth it after all. Haha...

I admit old liao... No more muscle that i used to be proud of and no more stamina to go for a serious double game. Hope can get back those that i lost in the coming holidays... But until then ,.... I really admit OLD liao.... Need rest

Don't laugh at an old man pls.... The one who reading this post are young either.... XD

Why?

Time passes, things happened, its how the world works. But why can’t anything in our life be the way that we wanted? Is there a cure or prevention to it? I don't have the answer to it, that's why I am suffering from a dilemma now. It isn't to have dilemma, I am lost, with no idea on what am I going to do about my pity life or what am I suppose to do just for the sake of a better future. It isn't as simple as I thought it would be, and I really want to have sometime for me slowly think about my life and what changes should be done. No one really understands me. I can’t blame anyone but myself. I am the one who kept me from being understood. It’s because I am not a good person and I have lots of bad attitude. Most of my friends think that I am a mama-boy but I do have too much bad attitude and I won’t show it to them because I know it will affect our friendship. I tried very hard to control myself but it’s really hard. I don't know why, but I am still trying my best.
Lately, many things happened in my pity life. My friends got into trouble because of me. And what really embarrassing am I actually let my friends to worry about me. I am really sorry, I got you into trouble. The problem is me, not you. . .
I am too emotional. And I always let my feelings to ruin my life... Why am I born this way? Why am I the only one to face these problems? Why can I love the one I want to love? What am I always to fall in love with someone who I can’t be with? Why am I always being fooled around? Why I never get a better life? Why I can’t even express my feelings out when I wanted to? Why you do you think that I am joking bout how I feel? Why can’t I just end my life?
Why? Why? Why? Because of my dilemma, I even lost my touch on the only game that I play now... How am I supposed to get ready for my coming finals? Why must God treat me like this? Why wont it end?

Crying~

It's 12:12am. Yes A.M! Its midnight now. I just finished keeping myself warm in a shower not long ago. Yes, it’s so cold.... my heart is freezing; the hot long shower didn't help at all. But it did help me from keeping my tears from dropping. Dunno why, just now suddenly felt like my heart cracked, like a heart attack. It’s to pain and I could feel the icy coldness in my heart... After my bath, I took my time slowly wearing my pajamas and lay on my bed. This time I really felt the tears slowly gliding down my face.. I just hope that Mr. Bati will finish of my subject earlier so I can stay at home. I dunno how to express my feeling now, my hand are lazy to type but I will want to type. I want my heart to stop beating and it still beat. Nothing goes the way I want. Pathetic! Maybe i will post bout it some other time.... I just want to be alone now... Haiz~

Cold~

It’s so cold~ I am freezing.... someone help? Please.....

I'm not talking about the weather nor am I sick. I'm cold because someone always gave me cold respond... sometimes not even cold because there was no feedback at all... I forgot since when it started to turn into such way, but the bone chilling cold respond is hurting me much more then anyone can understand... Or maybe I am the one who put too much hope into it but I am kind of lost too....Or should I call it a dilemma? I don’t know what to do or how I should react to it. It’s been a long time since I was in the state of dilemma. I started to be afraid, both in a relationship and my life. I don’t have any special relationship before, it’s because I am really afraid to be hurt... The pain in the heart where no pain killer can cure, I experienced it and don’t want to get anyway close to it anymore...
I endured the pain of a broken leg or a injured spine but there are nothing compared to the heart breaking pain....
In order to avoid for the cold feeling, I like to wear long sleeve shirt although it’s a hot weather, it’s kind of silly but I don’t know what to do… Can anyone help me???

Here is something that i would like to share with you~~
Nothing special, its just a song i really like~

My School Life~

aduhduh~~ so sien ar..... this sem my classes all starts on 10am and ends around 2.30 or 4.30. I am now currently at school, waiting for the time to pass... Its really miserable. I am in the computer lab now and there are only 4 people here. Me, the other 2 from my class and a funny dude from Bio Tech. Jamie just arrived like always, not very early and not very late. Jamie is in my Logistic class also and the other person is Ben. Ben and that funny guys called Wei Tzun from Bio Tech like to talk craps and play games in the pc lab... Today their topic is about weapons.. Ben claims that he is a weapon dealer and brag about his expertise in mercenaries... I was like, " Tiao~ u go good still sit here study logistic meh?" XD of cos i dont need to burst his topic cos almost everyone in school knows that he like to talk crap and some even called him "Canon" which is also known as "Tua Pao" He showed a metal stick to Mr. Funny and say that its a weapon. Oh well, from what i saw, i was just the stick where the blinds use to walk and allocate where they are moving towards to. Maybe its made of metal so that Weapon Expert claims it to be a dangerous weapon. XD then Mr. Funny wanna buy the stick from him and even asked where he got the stick from. Haha, Ben answer its from blackmarket. Oooooo, Mr Canon involve in blackmarket ar? Scary o~ then i started to write this post so i didnt really pay attention to thier conversation anymore... Soon, they talk about guns and all those funny funny names which is used in games only. Talk until so pro, they didnt even know the names are fake... Say what Desert Eagle how strong... Lol, Strong my ass.. U dont even know the real name of the gun and i dont even know that gun is sold in our Malaysia blackmarket... Mr. Weapon Expert talk until like he is the head of an "black" organzation and that stupid Mr.Funny wanted to join him.... Haha... Go study la boy, dont waste ur time on games and talks on stupid topics la... Wa, Thanks to Jamie Finally got songs being played in the pc lab. I wont write any further, kind of lazy already... haha, if got time then post some other lame things lo. Bye~

Scolded~

Haha, really paiseh, said to post new blog last night but went out celebrate friend's birthday. Lets save the birthday event for some other day. In this post i would like to share when i always get scolded in my Business Communication class. Haha..
I always get scolded or the lecturer will say" may i continue?" She is a good teacher but the subject she teaching is so lame and boring.... I am like a prankster in the class... always do things that can make ppl laugh or even ppl will hate... but today.... i found out my friend is also a clown.
Normally when we are in BC class, we got sweets from few of our friends... but today they are sitting quite far so that clown friend say want sms them so they pass the sweets to us. He typed the message and i suddenly feel like eating chocolate, so i asked him to ask for any chocolates too... He also very "tam jiak" so he straight say ok ok....
Here my main point comes, he suddenly turn to me while typing his message and asked 1 stupid question. " How to spell chocolate?" I felt sooooo dunno what to do cos want laugh can laugh out like that.... and teacher noticed that and say " Guys, may i continue?" no doubt the class know who is she asking... then i pretended nothing happen and act normal....As soon as the the teacher continue teaching... i burst out with laughter and tried to not anyone notice i was laughing.... the teacher ignored me this time so i continued laughing.... then i asked that clown.... " C* B**! u come BC class with me and u dunno how to spell chocolate?" U just imagine la? 19 year old guy dunno how to spell CHOCOLATE!!! XD he say really dunno mar and he also started laughing himself... then i took his phone and typed the word chocolate for him and gave it back to him... and he asked another silly question again.... "Correct or not de? Dont cheat me o.." Still burst out with laughter and this time i really got scolded again..... XD ...if the whole class know why i was laughing i really wont be scolded.... Miss Gill! i am innocent! Stop scolding me in class! Ur class is too boring and u need Clowns like us! XD...
Thats all of my lame story... please to give a fake cold laugh although its not funny.... Thank you for ur cooperation.... TatA~

Aiyayai~

Yeah~ my backbone dont hurt when i play badminton! Thats alot of improvement. haha.... currently at campus waiting till 10 o'clock for my class.... dont want to write very long here cos the keyboard in school suck! i saw lots of my friends in school act like half dead half dead like that... dont act like zombies la! cheerup! i sometimes act like that too but see zombieS walking around campus so scary la.... Jia you! lazy type liao.... will post new thing again tonight...
Bye~

My Dream~

Ok, first of all. My title seems like i am going to talk about my future or what do i want in my future. Wrong! today i wanna talk about my dream. Dream i had when i am asleep.

Since last night i had all kind of dreams. Even just now while i was having my nap i also dreamed. My dream is always sweet and lovely cause i always dream of the 1 i love. I dream alot but i only remember the most recent dream. Last night i dreamed about her. I saw here at campus, sitting near the door of pc lab inside the ping pong hall. She was sleep on the floor. I slowly approached her and open the pc lab door. I was in pc lab when i saw her.. She was just next to the door, i laied in the floor just next to her and look at her... Weird huh? Then she noticed me just next to her... She said hi, and i dunno where i got the bravery from in my dream, i actually hold her hand when she said hi... XD. It was really really a sweet dream, for me to spend my time so close to her, if it was just reality.... Haha...

I always dreamed of her, maybe its because i really miss her all the time. The problem is she dont even like me. Haha... i dont know how to respond besides haha... paiseh~

Just now, when i came back from school, i was sooo angry and moody i watched tv then when to sleep around 6. Then i also dreamed of her. But it was no longer a sweet dream. It was a nightmare to me... So scary... Hope it would never happens....
Erm, i dont really remember where were we and why we are there.... From what i remembered, it goes like that.... the 1 i love was somehow moody but i dont know the reason.. we were walking to somewhere with other friends but she suddenly walk to the side to away from the main course of the road... i aught up to her alone and i could see her really moody until didnt notice i was just behind her... Erm, somehow in my dream i treat her like my girlfriend although in reality its not that way. I hugged her from behind and ask her whats the problem... she turned around with some tears in her eyes and said, sorry, we cant be together, there are objections by someone if we are together.... my heart shattered and suddenly i feel like dropping into a hole of something... i dunno u guys but normally in dream when i feel like drop into a hole and my leg will kick because panic and i will wake..... when i woke ur its 8 something, i was still tired and sleep but i heard my msn sound... i tried to ignore it but the sound is none stop so i stood up from the sofa and went in front of my pc.... By then i really happy althought it was a nightmare just now but its aint real... Haha.. pathetic huh? oh well.... thats all form my boring stories of my dream..... i just hope i get a better dream later.... haha....
Good nite~~!! thanks for reading...

Waaa~

Current time is 2.06am.... its pass my bedtime and i am still blogging here, why?

Its been a long time since i last posted something here. I didnt really have the mood to write but many things did happened in the period of the last and current post. Now, i am still lost, dont know where to begin with... haha... lets start with the latest things that happened in my life and leave out all the rest for next time...
Last night was my cousin's and her mom's birthday. The whole family form my mother side went to a restaurant where 1 of my aunty was the supervisor there...
we went late but there saved some cold foods for us. The foods are tasty as usual and soon all of them started to sing there. I dare to say all aunties from my mother's side can really sing... But some ah pek from another table came along and sing... their songs are so old that some even my father never heard before.. Its kind of annoying where those half drunk sing..
So xia soi ar... i was hacing fun laughing at those ah pek then my grandmother and aunties ask me to sing. i never sing infront of them and i never wanted to. Not i am hao lian or what, but.... I CANT SING!! My singing suck!! well it took my half an hour to pick a song then finally sang it... it was sooo terrible that i hope the disc rosak~ then dunno why, i was damn lucky... before the song reaches the 2nd chorus, the disc really rosak~ XD
Really hope i can sing well someday... so i wont screw up if i am foreced to sing like just now... i want to learn instrument too~~ haha.... oh well... kind of too old already...
i better stop here.... its late.. and i might get scolded... nite~ tata~

Haiz~

it been a long time since i blogged. My friendster blog is deleted and lately i went back playing dota. It really fun when u play with friends. But boring if u are alone...
Today, our school selected new people for student council. i laughed like hell when some of my friend who got nominated when up the stage. really funny... laughed till forget to capture some pictures of them.. haha..
new people are assigned to new post in the student council, i hope they could bring more fun to the school.
Played some silly game with my friends just now.... it was suppose to be a happy game but instead it end up all people very pek chek... why? cant i do anything for my friends? can i ever do something right for my friends? izzit wrong when i am trying my best to help me friends less pek chek? why must it end up pressuring people or get people more stress? f**k!
I hate myself... i wish to leave this world....

Secret~

Wow, there are many things in my life that are held as secrets. Maybe a secret to this person but its actually an info to another person. There are just somethings i dunno how to tell or let certain ppl know bout it. And its really hard to keep the secrets secret. Any wrong topic chatted will lead to leakage of certain secret... There is only 1 person in this whole world that i dont held any secrets from, and he is no other than.... myself la!
This evening nearly leak out something dangerous. Leaked and maybe i will be dead. Its a secret that only can be told when the time comes. So, i really hope that time does come faster so that could tell it out. If not, keeping a secret from someone is really, really troublesome. Extra stress in my heart. Sleep also tidak elok. XD
Secret means something no to be known by other people right? But i believe time and confidence will lead the secret to a good information or even a expression in the future. Dont ask whats the secret cos its a SECRET!