Sorry~

Well, like i said in my previous post.... i been really bad tempered lately and i would like to apologize for the things i had done.... I dont know if u will visit my blgo or not but at least i will write apologization post just for this. I dont know how to apologize personally cos i not really good with words and i might ruined things. Sorry for the bad words i said. Sorry for the misconduct. I got 1 thing i am not apologizing about. Its about a stupid lecturer who think she is always right~! I dont mind u want to pick on me. I am the rotten apple in the class so dont go bother the other seniors~! Besides that stupid lecturer, i hope all other people in my school or badminton life or jsut normal friends will accept my apology... I am really sincere about this and i hope there in more misunderstanding among us anymore... Regret cant solve anything thing but taking the action to apologize might be a cure to unhappiness. SORRY~~~

Shut~

Its been a long time since i last posted the a post. Currently in my school's Pc Lab waiting for my transport to arive. Its annoying need to wait for transport after class... With all the boring theory class everyday it really makes someone irritated of going to school. School isnt a good place to spend our extra time afterall...
I played in a competition last week. Its call Swinburne Invitation Badminton Championship. I wasnt in a good form for a couple of weeks now but i tried my luck in it. I registered myself for mens doubles and mix doubles. Due to certain policies, i cant choose my partner but i definately got 2 good partners for both category. Of cos, i lost terribly because i am not good enough for the compeitition but participating in it taught me a lesson. I will never go for a competition ever again without any training basics to backing me up.. Sorry to both my partners Lai and Karen because i did really badly..
My new house which is located in a new housing area dont have a telephone line at all and i cant online like i used to. Since the school's pc have been upgraded, i dont mind using them for my personal stuff anymore. The keyboards are good, the system is fast. the internet line have been upgraded as well. Now watching manga at school isnt any problem at all. Not bad huh?
Yes, now back to the point for my title... Lately i been really pissed. Maybe its because i keep losing my cool and cant control me bad temper lately. There is this guy who keep forcing me to the peak of my nerves making me want to scream everytime he do something like that. So wad ur good? Try do it for a living! Dont know how to release my stress i just blown of like a volcano... I cant regret it because all the damage had been done and its irreversible.. From now on maybe its time for me to keep shut or my school properties have to suffer for my lost control insane "small gas" pathetic temper.
Controling myself had been a great challenge for me. I thought i manage well in controling myself when i was in the National Service camp but the truth is the temper controling abilities are just temporary. IF i dont have this bad temper i wonder what kind of life will i be having.... Less suffering maybe? Or, maybe more stress? Haha... Who knows until i really succeed in doing it.
Thats all for now, God bless me for the things i wanna go and may God bless u to live a better life than me. Bye~

Wait~

I'm at my school's library now, nothing to do because my class ended 1 hour and 25 mins earlier... It was an one hour and a half sesion class but then teacher taught everything in 5 mins. XD nice hor?
I just moved house recently and my new house area dont even have a telephone line. I cant online and its really annoying... i miss the times when i could sit in front of my pc and chat with close friends and even "her". I cant play games online and playing it with the ai really sucks~!
I will need to wait for few months for the telephone line to be installed... I wish i could survive till then. Maybe bored to death or maybe i might die of sickness... Lately i dont feel well, gastric and those annoying sickness keep attacking me 1 by 1...
OK, i should stop writing already.... Tired with my life again.. haha...
Bye~

Tied~

Haiz... Too busy to update my blog... Currently having rest from packing~
Tomorrow move house... Not excited or interested..
But i had no choice..
My whole life just get controlled by my family...
WTH!!!
XD
K done with then resting and complaining....
Back to work!
Bye~!

Deep~

This just cant go the way u want it to be sometimes. Lots of people suffer because of this and obviously me and my friends are 1 of the them. Maybe we are not blessed enough to do what we really want. But i know everyone is trying their best to make their wish come true...
Like me, suffering from the pain in my heart is something normal already... No one understands the pain i endure, i hope no 1 does as well. Its unhealthy to endure such pain. I created a barrier so that i wont be hurt again and again and again... But how knows? i got hurt even with such barrier i had... Haha, dunno what to say ar, the only excuse i can give myself is not fated... haha... Someone i wish we never met in the first place and sometimes i really do wish to leave this town like u meantioned....
Truth sometimes can be painful and most of the time shocking... Pretending not to be shocked is nothing easy for me... But making myself not to care bout is is some hard thing~ Haha... No one can run from the truth, so i really have to deal with it. I dont know how to deal with the things i know now... I keep thinking bot it no matter what i am doing. Reading books, Playing Badminton, Playing games, Fitness training and even i bath also it appear in my mind~ This is when the word PEKCHEK is used. Hardly can concentrate what i wanted to do. Haha, God really have fun torturing me...
Yes~! Next monday i going for competition again. This time its a competition that i decided to play for fun. I am injured and i cant partner with the partner who got chance to win the competition. He thought i always angry with him but actually i am not angry with anyone but myself... I did mistakes that even myself cant forgive... I am sorry Lai... So i partner Daryl in this competition... Sorry Daryl, i dont mean ur not good enough to win, its just ur 15! and u still have a long way to go before u can reach the finals of a novice competition. I just want u to have experince in such competition, thats all..
I injured myself again in court today, The pain at my back was really burning... lucky i could endure the pain and played less agressive for the rest of the night... No one really noticed i injured myself, maybe i can go acting liao.. Haha.... I wanan buy pain killer soon. Even now when i am typing my post here i can feel the pain on my back...
See~ pain in the heart and i have to suffer from physical pain as well~! What a life huh? Hope someday i can escape from this kind of life. I know there is 1 east way to escape though.... But it isnt an option i can take now... I dont want to end my life now... There is really too many things i wanna go~! I will put my life in the line until i reaches my goal~! Haha~!!!!
K, i cant wristand the pain already.. gotta go drink something.. will post something more happy next time... Bye~

Steambot~

The continuation of my story last night... After my duck singing, we went Steambot.. First time having steambot with all of them.. Kind of funny... Unluckily it started drizzling while we just started. I insisted not to change the table cos we are too close to the rain... Soon the rain came bigger with strong winds... But actually before the rain really came my back was wet already.. XD
When we start eating.. everyone aimed at the 3-layer pork. We ate like never ate pork before... Soon i was kind of full cos i really ate alot... But the cooking competition between Karen and Chang continued.... They claim that they ate alot cos they cooked alot. Actually it was me, Jme and Cat whos eating... Our hot topic for the night was "Kiasu".. haha.. Well, most student in UCSI have the kiasu spirit. I cant deny myself not being kiasu either. Haha... Unfortunately the 2 kiasu cook keep cooking and the unlucky 3 have to safe the day with our mouths. Haha... Sim joined us but didnt eat. He came cos he was invited by he already eaten. It proofs that he really is a good guy after all since he didnt put us aeroplane.
Sim went of and our eating feast continue~ the oils keep "irrupting" causing damage on us. Kind of funny cos its like we are betting our own life just to wat something. Need to be aware of the irruption cos it hurts~!! Then Jme went for a walk to buy something... Then we actually want to kacau Karen say we prepared something for her coming birthday de... Who knows? i really decided to buy a cake for her at the near by cake house. I went with Jme and the other 3 sit there waiting and didnt know that i decided to buy the cake. When the cake arrived, she still think its a prank... But its real! Jme forget to say " surprise!" which is really funny when she say it after the cake was already cut. Haha.. No photos will be shown in this post because some are not good for health... Oonly those went will understand what i mean.
Happy Birthday Karen~!!!!
thats all for this post... dont really know what to write about the steambot... Its just eating...

Duck~

Lol, dont get negative thoughts because of my title... Its a funny 1, i think.
I went to sing K again today... It all started when i received a message from Chang. He say go out today. Go sing and steambot... I really want the steambot but didnt like the singing idea at all. I cant really sing and its really embarrassing singing in a room with all the pros from my uni... After considering awhile i decided to go lo. We went sang at 2. Oh man... Pros are really pros... totally different from ppl like me. I sang like donald duck sing ar... Then Chang say he sing like old duc, but i think he sing like Gary Chao Ge. Since there were only 2 boys and both call themself duck so i used duck as my title of this post lo.
Yes its embarrasing... can feel the pressure singing with them ar... I still prefer singing in my shower... XD But i am kind of proud also... Not everyone can sing like Donald Duck also~ Haha...
Sang a few songs then i prefer listen instead of singing... And i remember Jme laughed at me.... Haha... I admit it was really funny but kind of stupid too... XD Lucky no ppl record that part ar....
K liao, abit tired and dont really have the mood to type things liao... Will leave the Steambot part for the next post... Nite~~~

Talented?

Yes! School holiday begins! Been waiting for a holiday for a long time... But actually i am a bit worry about my finals' result. I know i didnt really do well in my finals. I hope i dont disappoint my lecturers and parents... Since weeks before our final i noticed everyone is really frustrated about the coming exam. From there i noticed some other things as well. I finally know who is really talented in our school.
There are many student studying diploma in our university. Business, Biotech, Logistic, and some degree student of Commerce. All together about 30 i think... I know most of them but they dont know me... haha is ok.. but i know everyone one of them either they are talented or not.
Haha, now i will start giving our names on who are talented... 1st, Jamie from diploma in logistic. She actually went for a holiday at KL before our stupid final exam. And her result are normally, the top few in her class. Haha, in logistic class of cos is consider top few. Even the msot lazy person is considered top cos there is only 3 person in logistic. Yes she is the number 1 in my logistic class. She got the talent of studying and have very good memory as well. Other than her, i dont really think anyone does have the talent of studying...
Ah wait, there is other 2. Catherine and Elsie from diploma of business and biotech. I really think they are clever and talented in studying as well. There goes for all top in the diploma offered in our school.
I cant say others that are not mentioned in my post are not talented. They are talented as well. For example, Chang have the talent of hardworking. Cant say he not gifted in studies la, just of he uses more of his hardworking talent. If he is not good in any subject he will try his best to get better result. Thats call hardworking! The others who have the talent of hardworking are, Ee Chia, Lee Chin, Justin, Jennifer, Paul, and maybe Karen got some as well. Sorry others not mentioned here i really dont think they have the talent of hardworking.
Others not mentioned are categories as the same category as me. The happy go lucky type. People in this category are narutally blessed. We all have the luck to score in our exams. Not genius but really luck. Most people in this category do thier things just for the sake of passing. The unlucky members in this category are, Me, Benjamin, Ek Han, Michelle, Margaret, and some others...
There are unlucky ones as well. They are my seniors who usually didnt attend class and didnt pass their exams. They are gifted as well! Gifted in wealth! No offence please.. i am just saying the real thing. I dont mean those in my category and those unlucky ones are not hardworking, just not enough~
No matter gifted or not gifted, got talent or not, it doesnt matter. We got each other! We will help each other so that we live the best out of our college life.
I am not talented in anything, but i am lucky i have my friends. Hi 5 to my friends! Haha...

Update~

Haha~ holiday!!! paiseh la~ tired liao... but at least i say something in my blog...
dont say didnt update blog...
so conclusion is... BLOG UPDATED!
nite~!!

Barrier~

Since then, every time i saw your name in Msn i cant forget the unforgettable conversation we had... It was really painful alright and its the truth... I could remember the feeling of warm tears in my eyes... But i wasnt crying... I really didnt...
Tomorrow will be the first day of my final exam. Many of my classmates started today but i spend most of my time at home, study watch tv and slept alot. I dont have the mood to concentrate anymore... Everytime i close my eyes, there are flash back to what happened although i dont want to remember anything about it at all... Now here i am, already past my bed time and i couldnt at all... i experienced insomnia and sometimes i barely slept at night...
Listening to my songs whenever i am sad or troubled... My songs arent updated so they are all old sons that i really like. Haha... I really hate exam period, no one online and no one to talk to... Maybe thats why i my results arent that good. I dont really spend my time revising... Dunno what, but i really like sitting in my computer room alone, it feels like i can do what ever i want here...
Owen always say me emo, i admit it! haha... Emo is not such a bad thing after all. When i emo, i could actually spend time thinking of my miserable life. But sometimes its really a headache. Like now, flash abck of out conversation keeps flashing back none stop. The pain in my heart keeps repeating and i am glad i dont have heart attack by now... No one really understand me, no one understand the pain i endured... but i dont mind... i know i can wrist and it...
Right now, I could feel a barrier between us. I used to be really scare of having barriers of communicating in my life, but now i am actually making the barrier myself. I dont really know why but i think its just because of phobia...
There are so many things that i really want to ask you but every time i type a message, before i send it i will delete it. I would tell myself not to go interrupt whatever u doing there, scared of what happened... It really cant be forgotten..
I think as time pass by, the barrier will grow thicker and thicker until 1 day i may forget your name but i definitely wont forget ur personality... I am not evading from my problems, just i dont know what else to do...
Someday, i will still remember the times when my tears fall and of cause will remember the pain experience i had as it will definitely become a scar in my heart. A permanent scar in my life.....
Dont worry, there is no one to be blamed cos this is just how a life is right? I will just let God decide on my fate from now on...
OK feeling kind of sleepy already... I go sleep and get ready for tomorrow's Financial Accounting Exam. Haha... Bye~ Good night!!

Exams~

Tomorrow will be that start of our school diploma final exams for this semester. Scary huh? nah~ i played Dota since last thursday... No big deal! But i do wish everyone good luck~ Forget all the problems in your life now and concentrate all on studies~! Jia you!!!!!

Insomnia~

Haiz, lately dont have enough sleep. Cant believe i suffer from insomnia again. No matter how tired i am, i just cant sleep at night. I really wonder why.. but at least i got time to take naps in the evening. At night i think i slept for around 2 or 3 hours. Every morning when i wake up i dont feel like going to school and want to go back to sleep.
Insomnia sometimes isnt a bad thing at all. Like last night, i really couldnt sleep at all. Finnally i fall asleep around 3 then i started dreaming. It was really a sweet dream indeed. Although i woke up a few times in the middle of my sleep but somehow my dream manage to continue itself. Not bad huh? haha.. Last night i dreamed of the 1 i love. Something happend and i had to go off to do something. As usual, the hero la. haha... then my life will be endangered or something... dont remember remember.. before i left she was just next to me lo.. how nice... Actually it was a really long dream and many crazy things happened in the front part i think. Before i left, i hugged her and kissed her.. really really happy ar... then i forgot what really happened but i know i woke up because my alarm rang... shouldnt had set the alarm. Haha... i rather life in my dream...
now 11 something lo... i better go sleep earlier... i am really pissed of myself. Gettin insomnia now is pretty bad too. My finals are coming and i hadnt start studying. i have another assignment due on this thursday too. Then lately because of lack of sleep, i cant even play Badminton properly. I have no strength, no speed, my legs are weak, no stamina, and even my footworks are in a mess... Even someone who dunno how to play can win me i think.
k la... gtg o~ o~... good night... sweet dreams to everyone!!

Playboy~?

herm..... erm.... its time to tell the truth... i am not a playboy~ really... and i didnt said that i was either. Maybe i did fall for different girls in a short period of time. But it was because i didnt know who or what i wanted. I realised what i really want before its too late. And i didnt tell anyone about it. So i didnt hurt anyones feelings or what so ever.... haha.. So they dont know bout it. and no one knows. i am NOT a playboy! i was a little "Flower Hearted" but i really changed. I swear i did~!!!!

Highlights~

Haiz.... i said not to complaint about my life again. So i wont, my highlights its bout myself and how i see my friends. Actually i am very angry now. i felt like just off my computer and go back to sleep. But if i do that, i am really gonna turn into a pig. i slept from 4 to 7.25 now almost 1 hour later i go back sleep again? haha...

Back to topic, i promiss myself to change my own life. But there are just certain things that i will never change. That will be on what thing that is done by my friends that will make me hate them! Today i wanna highlight on it. [I, Kevin the silly guy, don't mind being disturbed, bullied or being "look down". But the things i hate the most is, being misunderstood, cheated, or being "put airplane".] this was what i typed on 1 of my previous post. I am not joking... i really meant it.

I tend to believe my friends more than i believe my family. Thats why i always got moody besides of being lonely. I am not so "small gas" until u did something wrong 1 time and i will never talk to u anymore. I tend to do the point accumulating basis on my friends. haha.... Its like when u do something wrong... i deduce ur points. where is no turning back. once deducted u cant gain back what u lost. Once u lost all ur points, you are out of my life. Maybe its no big deal to you but it means alot to me.

BEING MISUNDERSTOOD- i really really hate it alot! i dont simply lie to my friends. so i aspect them to believe me at least by abit. I really hate when they say:" u simply say de la." or act like they believe when they dont. Stop acting! i know what u thinking by just looking at ur face!

BEING PUT AEROPLANE- this, its normal already. many and most of my friends did that. Cant blame them, that is just who they are. They dont even know how to tell someone when they cant make it or suddenly got something more important to do. They just assume other ppl will know it. WTF la! Some never learn form their mistakes but some does. U give me 1 aeroplane and i will remember u for life. Not in a good way though...

CHEATED- this is the main point of my post tonight! And its the thing i really hate the most! Yes i do know when anyone of you cheat me! ur forehead will show the word CHEATER! i damn dont like ppl cheat me. they only day i allow my friends to cheat me is during April Fool. Yes! thats why i am so pissed now! i feel like punching the heater when i was showering just now. but i didnt do it cos i scare got electirc. Haha.... if i die so early i dont have time to hate u! Those who are blacklisted as cheaters in my life. they will never be erased and u will never be forgiven. Today, i found another 1 in my life, a cheater who still think i will believe whatever been said.

I know some of u cheat me. but i didnt say it bout cos u dont want to start arguing or start a fight. So i will just let it be... ur reputation in my heart will be ruined by yourself and 1 day i wont talk to you anymore.... YOU WILL BE CATEGORISED FROM FRIENDS TO FIENDS. DOWN TO HELL YOU GO!!!

Changes~

Really thanks to Chang and Elsie... I finally realized that i changed alot because of loneliness.. Never thought something like that will change me... Thank you... I will slowly change back to the old me where my mindset about life is better. I wont complain my life again. I need to live the best out of my life. So what if i cant be with someone i love? I should make sure that she is happy so i have no worries... haha... then... bout my immature attitude... try lo... i also dont like it... will try lo.. how to? any comment?
Why am i considered immatured at the first place? Can tell me so i can change?

Sweat~

Yo! I just came back not long ago. Spend some time out with parents. Actually i didnt want to go at all. But my mom said "Go la, later go eat porridge at pasar." I was having my dinner then but i quickly agreed to go. Haha, nothing can stop me from food~! At first my parents want to go buy Air-con. It was a long ride to the destination.
While sitting in the car, listening to old songs. I keep thinking about what had happened in my pity life and whats wrong with me. Besides being ugly, fat and short, what else that i am short of? Why i can never be with the 1 i like? I remember i day the 3 of us went lunch together. Ah, the day Paul almost killed me. We went Life Cafe for lunch. He ordered ectra shot and spicy " Malak Mee" for me and Tzun Ern. I dont like to waste food, so i ate everything. It was really really hot! U guys should try it someday. Then when i finished my spicy mee, i saw 1 couple came into the cafe. In the front was a girl. Really not bad looking and the skin very fair. Tzun Ern straight react like, "WoW" The the boyfriend came in. My face straight changed from Spicy face to Bitter face... Tzun Ern gave a huge respond as well and with a word, "SWEAT"
Then, i kept thinking, i got so lousy meh? Ngaiti... Really SWEAT AR!!
Maybe some people dont get what i mean but i lazy explain also. Hope Tzun Ern will read this post and say something about it. Haha...
From then onwards i dont have any self confident anymore... Think of it nia i wanna cry liao... So "Shi Pai" ar.... Ish....
Then i remember i night while i was playing Badminton. I asked Henry about his past and his relationship with the girlfriend. Henry is a nice guy and talk straight to the point. Really STRAIGHT! but its good to know that he isnt lying about anything... Talk, Talk, Talk, then the topic changed to me... I mean he aimed my instead. Say my nose big la those thing, haha ... i knew that no need remind me... He scare me angry so he even said: " Nose big Cute ma!" XD KNS la Henry! haha.... then i remember he saying me Not being mature enough to have a girlfriend. At first i dont really understand what is he trying to say so i dont believe him. But now, i fianlly understand... i am really immature... That is not the only reason why i couldnt be with someone i like but only 1 of the reasonS...
SWEAT AR!!!!! SWEAT AR!!!! Why God so unfair de? I wasnt born in a rich family, nor with a clever brain, nor with good looks, now given me an immature attitude somemore.... SWEAT!

Hate~

I, Kevin the silly guy, don't mind being disturbed, bullied or being "look down". But the things i hate the most is, being misunderstood, cheated, or being "put airplane".

I dunno why i writing this post. Just suddenly feel like writing something. Haha... I did my assignment already this morning. Hope i at least get 20 out of 30. That would be enough already for a last minute job. Now super tired. i dunno what to do. Lazy to study but lazy to sleep too. Weird huh? XD haiz... go first... i go watch tv better. Got time will post something else..

Bye Bye~

Crazy~

Today is Thursday. The time now is 11.33pm. I skipped class today and almost slept the whole day. By now most of my friends will be busy doing Business Communication Assignment 2. Its a free topic proposal where u just need to propose on how to improve your organization. To tell the truth, i haven start my proposal the due date is tomorrow. It weight a lot in our overall marks but i am really tired.
Since weeks ago i experience a lot of bad things in my life. Moody and dilemma. What to do? So tired still have to worry bout my assignments? I give up... The most is either fail or supp. How u aspect me to write a few pages long proposal in 1 night? Crazy!
Oh yeah... I just got scolded because of what i doing now. I am sorry. But it is best you guys go finish your work first. I will think of something not to die to terribly. But for now, i will continue do my crazy things. First is eat my supper while watching Anime. After that maybe i will go to sleep. Kind of tired even though i slept a lot for the day.
Everyone Jia you!!!! Don't give up!

それはとても冷たい。

それは私が恋に落ちるのでしばらくあってしまった。 私はしばらくのためのジレンマにあった。 最初に私はですればいいのか何を知らなかった。私は私が何人かの女の子に同時に恋したことを是認する。 私はすればいいのか何を知らなかった。 それは私のジレンマが始まったときである。時が経つにつれて、私はすればいいのかゆっくり何を知っている。 唯一無二の1つを選んで、私が偽りなく愛する人は容易ではない。私は何人かの女の子の、ない同じ時間のクラッシュを有した。多分私はパートナーを考えるには余りにも孤独である、従って私はする私の生命の大きいべきである。それから私は最終的にだれに私が偽りなく愛し、彼女との余生を過ごしたいと思うか気づく。私は彼女の名前を述べない。 しかし私は彼女述べていることを私が知っている彼女。私は愚かな人のように常にほとんどの場合扱われる。私はまだ私に実際にファウヌスが雑談し、遊ぶことをあった時間を覚えている。 しかし彼女が気遣わない時間がある。それは実際にたくさん傷つく。時々彼女は何ものように起こったちょうど行動できる。それは私はちょうど演じられていたことを私が気づいたときである。 誰も愚かな人として処理の感じを理解しない。私を好まなかったら、なぜ私に擬似希望を与えなさいか。私がそう容易にあきらめないが、が私は私の希望をもうそんなに運ばない。 それは句のようである; より大きければがあれば、より懸命にそれらは落ちる。 私は擬似希望を与えられ、今最終的にそれに気づいた。それは傷つく。それは実際に。私は、私打った壁を、私後悔する叫んだ。私は私の時間を私の自身の愚かさからの自分自身に気づかせる考える。または多分私は続けるべきである。私は知らない。しかし私は疲れ、風邪である。それは傷つく…しかし私は実際にあなたによってこれのように扱われて気にする。 私は、私が実際になぜ気にしないがか知らない。時々それは時々あまりを、私できるそれを暴露傷つける。

This post was specially typed in Japanese so no one could understand. I really want to say something out it. But I am afraid of telling this. Maybe I will only post out an original English post when I am brave enough or when my heart doest hurt that much anymore…
Sorry and Thank you...

爱是什么？

好久没有打华语字了。感觉感觉有点怪怪的，可能太久没用华语了吧。。。最近，我身边发生了很多不开心的事。老实说我还为了某些不快乐的事情哭呢。虽然很丢脸，但我也没有必要应为它而觉得丢脸嘛。我感情就是比别人丰富，怎样？哈哈。。现在感觉有点累，不是身体累而是华语太难了吧！

爱是什么？老实说我也不知道这个答案。但，我很希望我能在这里得到这个很多人也不知道的答案。。你能帮我吗？我身边的朋友都为了这个没人知道是什么的爱感到伤心和难过。。有必要吗？爱真的能让一个人活得这么痛苦吗？在爱情里真的不能没有真心的信任吗？我不知道，因为我倒楣到不曾体会到爱的滋味。我很希望我能等到哪一天，也跟希望我身边的朋友能因为爱而幸福。一旦遇到不开心的事就应该把它忘了。没有必要把它劳劳记住。为什么要把自己逼到无路可逃了呢？一个跟重要的是，遇到一个会让你伤心的人时，有好几个选择，一，离它远远（运用它是以为她或他猪狗不如）。二，直接告诉它你被它伤了心.三，把它扔掉！（当它跟你有任何关系时）四，打死它！

哈哈，讲了这么久，还没到重点。你不累呀？人说爱是能给我们幸福的。要如何的爱才能给我们幸福呢？每个人都会有不同的答案，我很希望有人能留下感言，告诉我你们是怎么想的。

我呢，我的幸福是能给我的另一半她想要的幸福，永远的陪在她身边，根希望能然她永远的开心，一旦她遇到不开心的事时，能在她背后轻轻的给她一个拥抱。还有很多是不能用话去说的，是要用真心去表示的。。。

One of my favorite sad song.. Lets sing along...
Hope you guys like it..

Rascal Flats - What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don't bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while

Even though goin' on with ya gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend

I'm okay but that's not what gets me

What hurts the most was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowin' what could've been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go

But I'm doin' it

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends

And I'm alone

Still harder getting up getting dressed dealin' with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade, give away all the words that I saved

In my heart that I left unspoken

What hurts the most is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowin' what could've been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin' to do,oh..

What hurts the most was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowin' what could've been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin' to do

That's what I was tryin' to do

Oh~~

Old~

Tonight, i went to help my coach train juniors again. Actually, i seem like helping but the real thing is i went there to play around and meet friends. XD Today, something special happened. Instead of training my juniors, i was trained by my coach instead...

We did "double agility", its something simple where the pair of partner will need to run to return the shuttle. Coach will be feeding the shuttle and the shuttle will be infinite until the pair give up. When i say give up it means "Pam Chet". When the drill start, the shuttle will fly around the court and this test the teamwork, stamina, muscle endurance and also the will to go on. It seems easy but if u go for it u will know...

I remember last time when i was fitter we were able to do around 15 to 30 mins without stopping unless the people collecting the shuttle is too slow. Means shuttle finish then got time to rest until the shuttle are reloaded again. Normally the resting time is few seconds only. Tonight, i thought is gonna be easy for us because we are seniors so the coach will go easy on us. Who knows? Instead of going easy on us, coach trained us like last time. The speed and the accuracy of the shuttle given are way harder than those given to the juniors.

We didn’t last long during the first drill. Around 5 mins and we are done... My legs were unable to move. They (my legs) were too tired, no more endurance. Then i finally realized that i become old already. Not as fit as few years ago and my leg muscle dont have the power already. After resting for awhile, we decided to give it another try. When i say we, it means me and my partner. The reason we gave another try is not because me are hardworking. But we just want to save our face back as SENIORS...

This time i will "pia" until i really out of breath or my leg completely can’t move. We go on and on for around 7 to 10 mins. Then KO. Knock Out! I lay on the floor just outside the court where i missed the last shuttle and my partner Lai also half dead in the court. Well, at least we tried our best. It really is tiring. I bet tonight i will have a really good night sleep. Just now when i reached home, i walk upstairs also can feel the tension on my legs. Seems tonight's training is worth it after all. Haha...

I admit old liao... No more muscle that i used to be proud of and no more stamina to go for a serious double game. Hope can get back those that i lost in the coming holidays... But until then ,.... I really admit OLD liao.... Need rest

Don't laugh at an old man pls.... The one who reading this post are young either.... XD

Why?

Time passes, things happened, its how the world works. But why can’t anything in our life be the way that we wanted? Is there a cure or prevention to it? I don't have the answer to it, that's why I am suffering from a dilemma now. It isn't to have dilemma, I am lost, with no idea on what am I going to do about my pity life or what am I suppose to do just for the sake of a better future. It isn't as simple as I thought it would be, and I really want to have sometime for me slowly think about my life and what changes should be done. No one really understands me. I can’t blame anyone but myself. I am the one who kept me from being understood. It’s because I am not a good person and I have lots of bad attitude. Most of my friends think that I am a mama-boy but I do have too much bad attitude and I won’t show it to them because I know it will affect our friendship. I tried very hard to control myself but it’s really hard. I don't know why, but I am still trying my best.
Lately, many things happened in my pity life. My friends got into trouble because of me. And what really embarrassing am I actually let my friends to worry about me. I am really sorry, I got you into trouble. The problem is me, not you. . .
I am too emotional. And I always let my feelings to ruin my life... Why am I born this way? Why am I the only one to face these problems? Why can I love the one I want to love? What am I always to fall in love with someone who I can’t be with? Why am I always being fooled around? Why I never get a better life? Why I can’t even express my feelings out when I wanted to? Why you do you think that I am joking bout how I feel? Why can’t I just end my life?
Why? Why? Why? Because of my dilemma, I even lost my touch on the only game that I play now... How am I supposed to get ready for my coming finals? Why must God treat me like this? Why wont it end?

Crying~

It's 12:12am. Yes A.M! Its midnight now. I just finished keeping myself warm in a shower not long ago. Yes, it’s so cold.... my heart is freezing; the hot long shower didn't help at all. But it did help me from keeping my tears from dropping. Dunno why, just now suddenly felt like my heart cracked, like a heart attack. It’s to pain and I could feel the icy coldness in my heart... After my bath, I took my time slowly wearing my pajamas and lay on my bed. This time I really felt the tears slowly gliding down my face.. I just hope that Mr. Bati will finish of my subject earlier so I can stay at home. I dunno how to express my feeling now, my hand are lazy to type but I will want to type. I want my heart to stop beating and it still beat. Nothing goes the way I want. Pathetic! Maybe i will post bout it some other time.... I just want to be alone now... Haiz~

Cold~

It’s so cold~ I am freezing.... someone help? Please.....

I'm not talking about the weather nor am I sick. I'm cold because someone always gave me cold respond... sometimes not even cold because there was no feedback at all... I forgot since when it started to turn into such way, but the bone chilling cold respond is hurting me much more then anyone can understand... Or maybe I am the one who put too much hope into it but I am kind of lost too....Or should I call it a dilemma? I don’t know what to do or how I should react to it. It’s been a long time since I was in the state of dilemma. I started to be afraid, both in a relationship and my life. I don’t have any special relationship before, it’s because I am really afraid to be hurt... The pain in the heart where no pain killer can cure, I experienced it and don’t want to get anyway close to it anymore...
I endured the pain of a broken leg or a injured spine but there are nothing compared to the heart breaking pain....
In order to avoid for the cold feeling, I like to wear long sleeve shirt although it’s a hot weather, it’s kind of silly but I don’t know what to do… Can anyone help me???

Here is something that i would like to share with you~~
Nothing special, its just a song i really like~

My School Life~

aduhduh~~ so sien ar..... this sem my classes all starts on 10am and ends around 2.30 or 4.30. I am now currently at school, waiting for the time to pass... Its really miserable. I am in the computer lab now and there are only 4 people here. Me, the other 2 from my class and a funny dude from Bio Tech. Jamie just arrived like always, not very early and not very late. Jamie is in my Logistic class also and the other person is Ben. Ben and that funny guys called Wei Tzun from Bio Tech like to talk craps and play games in the pc lab... Today their topic is about weapons.. Ben claims that he is a weapon dealer and brag about his expertise in mercenaries... I was like, " Tiao~ u go good still sit here study logistic meh?" XD of cos i dont need to burst his topic cos almost everyone in school knows that he like to talk crap and some even called him "Canon" which is also known as "Tua Pao" He showed a metal stick to Mr. Funny and say that its a weapon. Oh well, from what i saw, i was just the stick where the blinds use to walk and allocate where they are moving towards to. Maybe its made of metal so that Weapon Expert claims it to be a dangerous weapon. XD then Mr. Funny wanna buy the stick from him and even asked where he got the stick from. Haha, Ben answer its from blackmarket. Oooooo, Mr Canon involve in blackmarket ar? Scary o~ then i started to write this post so i didnt really pay attention to thier conversation anymore... Soon, they talk about guns and all those funny funny names which is used in games only. Talk until so pro, they didnt even know the names are fake... Say what Desert Eagle how strong... Lol, Strong my ass.. U dont even know the real name of the gun and i dont even know that gun is sold in our Malaysia blackmarket... Mr. Weapon Expert talk until like he is the head of an "black" organzation and that stupid Mr.Funny wanted to join him.... Haha... Go study la boy, dont waste ur time on games and talks on stupid topics la... Wa, Thanks to Jamie Finally got songs being played in the pc lab. I wont write any further, kind of lazy already... haha, if got time then post some other lame things lo. Bye~

Scolded~

Haha, really paiseh, said to post new blog last night but went out celebrate friend's birthday. Lets save the birthday event for some other day. In this post i would like to share when i always get scolded in my Business Communication class. Haha..
I always get scolded or the lecturer will say" may i continue?" She is a good teacher but the subject she teaching is so lame and boring.... I am like a prankster in the class... always do things that can make ppl laugh or even ppl will hate... but today.... i found out my friend is also a clown.
Normally when we are in BC class, we got sweets from few of our friends... but today they are sitting quite far so that clown friend say want sms them so they pass the sweets to us. He typed the message and i suddenly feel like eating chocolate, so i asked him to ask for any chocolates too... He also very "tam jiak" so he straight say ok ok....
Here my main point comes, he suddenly turn to me while typing his message and asked 1 stupid question. " How to spell chocolate?" I felt sooooo dunno what to do cos want laugh can laugh out like that.... and teacher noticed that and say " Guys, may i continue?" no doubt the class know who is she asking... then i pretended nothing happen and act normal....As soon as the the teacher continue teaching... i burst out with laughter and tried to not anyone notice i was laughing.... the teacher ignored me this time so i continued laughing.... then i asked that clown.... " C* B**! u come BC class with me and u dunno how to spell chocolate?" U just imagine la? 19 year old guy dunno how to spell CHOCOLATE!!! XD he say really dunno mar and he also started laughing himself... then i took his phone and typed the word chocolate for him and gave it back to him... and he asked another silly question again.... "Correct or not de? Dont cheat me o.." Still burst out with laughter and this time i really got scolded again..... XD ...if the whole class know why i was laughing i really wont be scolded.... Miss Gill! i am innocent! Stop scolding me in class! Ur class is too boring and u need Clowns like us! XD...
Thats all of my lame story... please to give a fake cold laugh although its not funny.... Thank you for ur cooperation.... TatA~

Aiyayai~

Yeah~ my backbone dont hurt when i play badminton! Thats alot of improvement. haha.... currently at campus waiting till 10 o'clock for my class.... dont want to write very long here cos the keyboard in school suck! i saw lots of my friends in school act like half dead half dead like that... dont act like zombies la! cheerup! i sometimes act like that too but see zombieS walking around campus so scary la.... Jia you! lazy type liao.... will post new thing again tonight...
Bye~

My Dream~

Ok, first of all. My title seems like i am going to talk about my future or what do i want in my future. Wrong! today i wanna talk about my dream. Dream i had when i am asleep.

Since last night i had all kind of dreams. Even just now while i was having my nap i also dreamed. My dream is always sweet and lovely cause i always dream of the 1 i love. I dream alot but i only remember the most recent dream. Last night i dreamed about her. I saw here at campus, sitting near the door of pc lab inside the ping pong hall. She was sleep on the floor. I slowly approached her and open the pc lab door. I was in pc lab when i saw her.. She was just next to the door, i laied in the floor just next to her and look at her... Weird huh? Then she noticed me just next to her... She said hi, and i dunno where i got the bravery from in my dream, i actually hold her hand when she said hi... XD. It was really really a sweet dream, for me to spend my time so close to her, if it was just reality.... Haha...

I always dreamed of her, maybe its because i really miss her all the time. The problem is she dont even like me. Haha... i dont know how to respond besides haha... paiseh~

Just now, when i came back from school, i was sooo angry and moody i watched tv then when to sleep around 6. Then i also dreamed of her. But it was no longer a sweet dream. It was a nightmare to me... So scary... Hope it would never happens....
Erm, i dont really remember where were we and why we are there.... From what i remembered, it goes like that.... the 1 i love was somehow moody but i dont know the reason.. we were walking to somewhere with other friends but she suddenly walk to the side to away from the main course of the road... i aught up to her alone and i could see her really moody until didnt notice i was just behind her... Erm, somehow in my dream i treat her like my girlfriend although in reality its not that way. I hugged her from behind and ask her whats the problem... she turned around with some tears in her eyes and said, sorry, we cant be together, there are objections by someone if we are together.... my heart shattered and suddenly i feel like dropping into a hole of something... i dunno u guys but normally in dream when i feel like drop into a hole and my leg will kick because panic and i will wake..... when i woke ur its 8 something, i was still tired and sleep but i heard my msn sound... i tried to ignore it but the sound is none stop so i stood up from the sofa and went in front of my pc.... By then i really happy althought it was a nightmare just now but its aint real... Haha.. pathetic huh? oh well.... thats all form my boring stories of my dream..... i just hope i get a better dream later.... haha....
Good nite~~!! thanks for reading...

Waaa~

Current time is 2.06am.... its pass my bedtime and i am still blogging here, why?

Its been a long time since i last posted something here. I didnt really have the mood to write but many things did happened in the period of the last and current post. Now, i am still lost, dont know where to begin with... haha... lets start with the latest things that happened in my life and leave out all the rest for next time...
Last night was my cousin's and her mom's birthday. The whole family form my mother side went to a restaurant where 1 of my aunty was the supervisor there...
we went late but there saved some cold foods for us. The foods are tasty as usual and soon all of them started to sing there. I dare to say all aunties from my mother's side can really sing... But some ah pek from another table came along and sing... their songs are so old that some even my father never heard before.. Its kind of annoying where those half drunk sing..
So xia soi ar... i was hacing fun laughing at those ah pek then my grandmother and aunties ask me to sing. i never sing infront of them and i never wanted to. Not i am hao lian or what, but.... I CANT SING!! My singing suck!! well it took my half an hour to pick a song then finally sang it... it was sooo terrible that i hope the disc rosak~ then dunno why, i was damn lucky... before the song reaches the 2nd chorus, the disc really rosak~ XD
Really hope i can sing well someday... so i wont screw up if i am foreced to sing like just now... i want to learn instrument too~~ haha.... oh well... kind of too old already...
i better stop here.... its late.. and i might get scolded... nite~ tata~

Haiz~

it been a long time since i blogged. My friendster blog is deleted and lately i went back playing dota. It really fun when u play with friends. But boring if u are alone...
Today, our school selected new people for student council. i laughed like hell when some of my friend who got nominated when up the stage. really funny... laughed till forget to capture some pictures of them.. haha..
new people are assigned to new post in the student council, i hope they could bring more fun to the school.
Played some silly game with my friends just now.... it was suppose to be a happy game but instead it end up all people very pek chek... why? cant i do anything for my friends? can i ever do something right for my friends? izzit wrong when i am trying my best to help me friends less pek chek? why must it end up pressuring people or get people more stress? f**k!
I hate myself... i wish to leave this world....

Secret~

Wow, there are many things in my life that are held as secrets. Maybe a secret to this person but its actually an info to another person. There are just somethings i dunno how to tell or let certain ppl know bout it. And its really hard to keep the secrets secret. Any wrong topic chatted will lead to leakage of certain secret... There is only 1 person in this whole world that i dont held any secrets from, and he is no other than.... myself la!
This evening nearly leak out something dangerous. Leaked and maybe i will be dead. Its a secret that only can be told when the time comes. So, i really hope that time does come faster so that could tell it out. If not, keeping a secret from someone is really, really troublesome. Extra stress in my heart. Sleep also tidak elok. XD
Secret means something no to be known by other people right? But i believe time and confidence will lead the secret to a good information or even a expression in the future. Dont ask whats the secret cos its a SECRET!

Tired~

i'm so tired... i know i said not to post too much on my blog cos its a wastage of time, but its now my resting time so i will write something here... its so boring! phone wont ring~! i can only listen to the sound of my air con! pathetic!!! why is my life so miserable~! KNS~! lucky its almost weekend. i know i said i hate weekend because i always spend my weekends alone but this time i will try something new. i will tired myself to death by having my physical training whole day. if its too tiring then i will go sleep. when wake up i only got 2 choices which is either more physical training or study... hooray! may the force be with you... times up, study time.....

Future~

9 February 2009. The 15th day and the last day of Chinese New Year. I woke up early at 6 this morning although i slept at 2 this morning as well. I woke for no special reasons but just so send a annoying message to a friend of mine. No name will be given out but he/she will know it themself. After sending the message, i planned to go back to sleep but i couldnt fall asleep. My mind keep of thinking of the past few weeks and i really had me slacking on my studies. First skipping class on the first week of January, then didnt really paid attention in class and even slept in some of my classes. I started to worried about my studies. i might fail my subjects and it not only need extra money to resit for the exam but also waste my time staying too long in this wicked University. Today i got a presentation for the subject Study Skills and Employbility. The subject seems easy but its hard to score. I didnt really had time prepare for the presentation of to say i played too much Badminton in another way. Haha, I admit that i am still in new year mood although its the last day of CNY today. But i made up my mine and will work hard for my studies starting today. Revision is the only way to help myself now and i will do it by playing less Badminton. I hope i can do it as i always dont keep my own promisses. I will cheat myself saying i will do it soon but eventually i didnt do anything at all. I hope everyone around me will support me and i really want to be like a good student like last year. . .
K enough typing, Its almost time for my presentation. Wish me luck....

A Boring Story....

Before you read this, i would like you to know, this story of mine will be like the title. BORING! So if u dont mind, get a pillow, continue reading and i will share some of my personal experience with you. Thank you~!
This story happened around the 3rd day of Chinese New Year. It was the 3rd night of the year of Golden Bull and as expected i'm a boring person who spend most of my time alone at home or on badmiton court. It was Chinese New Year so i had to spend my time at home because no one plays badminton during Chinese New Year. Like always, i chat with friend using Msn, and since i quited Dota i never play a single game. The programmes showed on tv that night didnt interest me at all.
I went to bed early that night but the problem is i cant sleep. I tired of myboring day but i just cant fall asleep! Then i received a call, and i talked on phone for 41 mins and 31 seconds. Its the first time i talked on phone for so long when other people call me. After the call ended, i notice it was 3 something in the morning. Wow, i'm not tired anymore so i went downstairs and played some mahjong game while listening to the emo songs i have.
It was amazing that i am so refreshed after that call and the 4th day of Chinese New Year i am so energized that i dont even feel tired of drowzy without a nights sleep. Normally i will be like zombie if i dont have enough rest. On that 4th day night itself i drank more than 4 tins of beer where i normally dont touch at all but i wasnt even drunk nor my face turned red. Amazing huh?
After this story, you will know how boring i am and also how lame am i. But i want to make a conclusion. Maybe chatting at night can recharge your battery and u dont even have to sleep at all. It sounds stupid but it works on me. I think the main key is whos the partner you chatting with. Someone close or important to me will "reenergize" me.
So try call me once in awhile in the middle of the night to know if u are someone close to me or not. But not everynight please. Even superman cant stand that. LOL.
After reading all this nonsense. I really want to thank you. Leave any comment you want tough. Scold me if u want but try avoid foul languages. XD

Hello~

This will be my first post in blogspot. Hi~! to everyone here, i'm new here and i hope there is someone to teach me about blogspot.

As for the self introduction, i'm very lazy... so i will just link my other blog in friendster. I will be using both blogs in the same time and i hope i could update them daily with all the assigments and exams coming in.